Nearly one thousand years ago, St. Bruno founded the Carthusian order of monks near Grenoble, within the French Alps. Allow five hundred years of serious contemplation. A gift arrives from the Marshall of Artillery for King Henry IV of France. It is a manuscript with the recipe of an elixir. It is called "An Elixir of Long Life." The base is grape brandy. A hundred and thirty herbs and botanicals later, the secret to long life could be consumed.
Being monks amongst men, they contemplated some more. A hundred and thirty years later, they mobilize. Monks will be monks. Thus they begat the creation of the famous Elixir Végétal, known today as Chartreuse liqueur, referred to in some circles as "herbals grown wild." But this is Chartreuse, not charmeuse, another story.
The sip is green with herbs. So is the color. We, in modern times, have a choice of green or greenish yellow (called yellow). Brother Antoine crafted the first Green Chartreuse in 1764, potent stuff at 110 proof (55% ABV). The color and flavors were all natural to the botanical and herbal components. The powerful flavors lean toward menthol, anise and concentrated citrus. All is in balance- Not too sweet, not too bitter. Just right. Cue Goldilocks, bears enter stage left.
The golden, or Goldilocks version, arrived as Yellow Chartreuse in the late 1830's. Brother Bruno Jacques toned down the alcohol in the original recipe, now down to 80 proof (40% ABV). The color, still natural, became more golden, though still greenish. And it was bright and tasty, to boot.
Both Green and Yellow Chartreuse are also available in special wooden boxes, labeled as V.E.P. You would ask. It translates to Vieillissement Exceptionnellement Prolongé, meaning "exceptionally long -aged." Sort of like this story. Better yet, make that not unlike a well-aged Bordeaux wine, showing huge complexities and elegance.
This elixir of long life may not be so lucky, though. Très nullité (roughly translating to "bummer"), as there came the French Revolution, the confiscation of the monastery, and the subsequent loss, for a time, of the recipe. In 1903, the monks were exiled to Spain. In 1929, they were back on French soil. Cheese -Louise, a landslide destroys their distillery in Fourvoirie. Being right-thinking monks, they move to nearby Voirin. Hollywood ending- All one hundred and thirty of the precise, make that precious, herbs and botanicals are in their backyard.
Take a powerful sip of this stuff. It is an elixir, curing what ails you, including your social life. It redefines complexity, both by aromas and flavors within the sip. A writer such as I could never describe the profile. Yes anise, yes menthol, maybe coriander (Coriandrum sativum), or is it cardamom, a rhizomatous Indian herb (Elettaria cardamomum)? No wonder those monks were bald, as I am now pulling my hair out this very moment.
Simplify your life by mixing Chartreuse as a cocktail. There is no blasphemy in this. Mix it with a splash of club soda. Believe it, or not, blend the darker green elixir with pineapple juice, calling such a gator. And it is good. Though it is not nice to fool Mother Nature, it is also not-so-nice to entice Ahab.
The prophet Micaiah, as he is called, II Chron. xviii, 18-21, tells another story of God. "I saw," says he, "The Lord sitting on His throne, and all the hosts of Heaven standing on His right hand and on His left. And The Lord said, "Who shall entice Ahab, King of Israel, to go up and fall at Ramoth Gilead?" And one spoke after this manner, and another after that manner. Then there came out a spirit [Micaiah does not tell us where it was from] before the Lord [what an impudent spirit this was], "This will entice him." And the Lord said unto them, "Wherewith?" And they said, "This will go out and be a spirit in the mouths of all his prophets." And the Lord said, "This shalt entice him, and this shalt also prevail; go out, and do even so." Chartreuse was set loose. Ahab sought rehab.
Moral of this story- Drink Chartreuse and you may fall, excruciatingly, agonized before your Lord. Touted to extend one's life, this spirit may only extend your life by making life seem longer during the next day's hangover. But Chartreuse tastes so good. Try it. Sip slowly.
